I get really sentimental every year on the first of January. I always remember my husband and I walking into Target January 1, 2010 and saying "okay baby it's 2010, you can come out now!". I had no idea she would take it so literally and decide to be born 9 days later.
I used to have a really hard time with what happened when she was born. Actually, her birth was awesome. Besides her being 7 weeks early, I was only in labor for 4 hours and pushed for about 15 minutes and she was born. I didn't even have time for an epidural.
But I am such a planner and she really threw off all my plans. And it was REALLY hard to not take my tiny little baby home with me when I was discharged that Tuesday. And that's where my hatred of the hospital floor came from. Looking at the stupid ugly tile, every single day.
This year I have other things to remember that happened to me in January. On this date last year it was my 2nd day in the hospital. It was Sunday and the resident told me that I might have a pulmonary embolism. I was coughing my brains out and nothing was giving me any relief, certainly not the 5 antibiotics that were dripping into me via IV. Every 4 hours the tech would come in and I would pray that my temperature was down and my heart rate was down and neither were. It was really terrible.
Cancer really tried to kick my ass last January. 2 chemos, 2 hospitalizations (5 total days), 2 CT scans, 2 bags of someone elses blood and an EKG. But this January is mine. I am doing what everyone does when they are victorious. I am going to Disney World!
We don't give Mackenzie a lot for Christmas usually. We usually have a pretty decent sized birthday party for her (some might think its a little too much and I don't care). We are celebrating her LIFE! How could a party be too much?! And I got to thinking a couple weeks ago that maybe we got her too much for her birthday this year. A week after her birthday we are going to Disney (SHE DOESN'T KNOW YET SO PLEASE DON'T TELL HER!!!) and we are giving her little trinkets while we are there to make it more magical. But then I thought- who deserves this more than this kid?
I'm so excited for this year. Besides surgery (probably late February) and daily tamoxifen I am trying really hard not to let cancer in too much this year. I read a lot of blogs about women who are currently going through it and it's always hard to read. Almost like survivors guilt. I don't want to stop supporting them but maybe I need to just read them once a month or so.
So far 30 has been good to me! My goals for this year is to be healthier, spend more time enjoying friends and family and saying yes more. Hopefully I'll be successful!
