Four

Yesterday marked 4 years since I was diagnosed with cancer. I say this a lot but it feels like yesterday and a million years ago at the same time. July is a hard month for me. I spend a lot of time reflecting back to that coresponding day in 2012 and remember what I was doing and what that felt like. Surprisingly July 10th is a really hard day for me. That's the day I wish I could go back to. The day before the lump. Before cancer ever entered my world.

I know now that I am a million times stronger than I ever thought I was on July 10, 2012. And I know a lot more about myself, life and friendship then I did that day too. And although sometimes I get upset when I think people have forgotten all I've gone through I know for sure that my family is loved and will be cared for. 

I had a physical Friday. I realized last week that maybe having a physical in the office where my cancer was found the day before my cancerversary wasn't such a great idea. Last time I had a physical 4 years ago I walked out of that office with tears in my eyes- terrified of what this lump might be and hoping that my worst fears weren't coming true. Friday I walked out of that office with tears in my eyes- this time of pure joy. I'm healthy. Besides needing a little vitamin D, I am healthy. 

When you go through the worst time in your life it is amazing how everyone comes together around you. People you barely know, people who are your best friends, your family. Friends made us dinners, friends watched our pets, friends took us to lunch to get a break and most importantly to me, friends helped us keep Mackenzie's life as normal as possible. We can never thank you all enough. 

I'm so glad I wrote down everything I went through because I often find myself thinking "my mastectomy wasn't that bad" or "chemo wasn't that bad" and I will go back and read about it and be surprised at how much I've forgotten. I'll also remember how bad radiation was- it was the worst! 

I feel a little guilty for not having my fundraiser this year. I just needed a mental break I think. Looking for a surrogate takes up a lot of space in my brain. In a way I can thank cancer for teaching me that sometimes there's too much on your plate and it's okay to leave something off. I really do enjoy my fundraiser though so I am hoping that I can bring it back next year! Although I, of course, wish I never had cancer, the pink sisters I've gained from my association with The III B's Foundation and Good Wishes Scarves have been amazing. 

George and I decided since we weren't doing the fundraiser this year maybe we should get away for the night. Unfortunately when your cancerversary is in the summer every place books up fast or is SUPER expensive! And as much as I love the beach, thinking about all the traffic took that quickly off the list. We are so grateful to the Gan family for letting us use their country getaway for the night. I love city life but sometimes it is nice to break away from that and sit outside in the country and look at all the stars in silence. 

We spent the day getting massages, eating and gambling- a few of my favorite things (we were so glad my BFFL Min could join us for some gambling and dinner!). A lot of times things like a health crisis can strain relationships but I feel all of this has brought George and I closer. It was so hard for him to watch me go through all of this but he never showed me- he never left my side. I'm so grateful for him. 

Thank you for following along the last 4 years and standing by us as we have navigated this new life. We are so lucky to have so many friends and family around us!