Hope anchors the soul

When we left our financial appointment a month ago I started to get really emotional. This process is A LOT. There's a lot to know, a lot to do and a lot of emotions that go into it. While we were driving home I just kept saying in my head- hope anchors the soul, hope anchors the soul, hope anchors the soul. This has been my motto for 3 years now. It has kept me together through the toughest times.

Then "Fight Song" came on the radio and I started tearing up. Especially these lyrics. It's just going to take one person making one decision that's going to change out entire world. 

We are trucking along. Honestly this surrogacy journey has been almost as hard as having cancer. At least after I was diagnosed there was a definitive path I had to go on. With surrogacy there are so many unknowns and it's really hard emotionally. 

I feel in a lot of ways like a failure. I'm supposed to be able to provide children for my husband and daughter but I can't. It's hard to be reminded of that everyday. I know neither if them would ever say that to me but that's how I feel. I desperately want to be able to complete my family the way that I'm "supposed" to- by me getting pregnant. But I can't. And that's been the hardest part. 

We have completed 5/11 items off our checklist from the fertility doctor. We are figuring out the exact amount of money we will need and then hopefully will be able to keep moving along. We also have to decide about the level of genetic testing we would like to do. 

We know the right woman is out there. It's an incredible thing we are asking someone to do for us but I know she's there. Obviously we would love to get started as soon as possible- since we have been waiting 3 years to get pregnant. I have the due date calendars essentially memorized and we would love to have a baby next summer which would mean someone would have to be cleared ASAP. But obviously we know that beggars can't be choosers. Again we are more than willing to answer any questions you might have- no obligations. We have a questionnaire from out attorney that has a lot of questions that have to be answered that is pretty helpful. And of course we have a team at Shady Grove that are available to answer any questions. 

I know not everyone understands this route we are taking but this is the course that we think is best for our family. Thank you again for continuing to share our story and supporting us! We couldn't have made it this far without you all!