Just keep swimming

I was watching Modern Family and started laughing (I mean who doesn't?) and I thought "I'm glad I can still laugh at things". Then I started tearing up. I wish I could go back to 3 weeks ago when my only worry was not passing out during a blood draw at my physical.

I worry that people are thinking that just because I'm trying to keep a smile on my face it means I'm not totally overcome with grief and terrified of this diagnosis sometimes. I'm just really trying to not let the grief and fear overcome me and take over my life. I feel like if I can keep myself mostly optimistic then I'm winning. My bff Christen sent me a story today about a sportscaster named Scott Stuart who finished a race 3 days after he completed chemo for stomach cancer. He said "cancer isn't an excuse to stop living. It's even more of a reason to start." And I completely agree. If this doesn't show me that life is short then I don't know what will.

I scrolled down the top page on my iPhone (maybe its called notifications) and I saw this...

I felt so sick to my stomach. Sometimes I forget that I have cancer ( that's easy to do with a 2 year old around) and then when I remember it smacks me in the face. Although I'm reminded a lot during the day when people see me for the first time or are confirming what they heard from someone else. I've had pretty great reactions and I still feel so supported. I'm glad that I can still laugh with friends (even sometimes about cancer) and feel normal. That's all I've been hoping for!

I got this letter in the mail today telling me my mammogram was abnormal and "hopefully" my doctors all ready notified me but if not then get on it. Yikes! I hope people don't really have to be pushed towards treatment. I'm running towards it with open arms!

I'm so ready for this appointment tomorrow. I know she won't have the results of my genetic test yet but at least we can come up with some sort of plan. My mom is coming with me and I'm really happy she'll be there because she has sadly become an expert in breast cancer and will know most of the "lingo". I have my pink binder all ready to go!!