When its cancer/the 20 percenters

I got the news today I was expecting/hoping not to hear. Its not ever easy to hear the words "its cancer" even when you think its coming. The more I think about it the more I think how lucky I am that I decided to go to the doctor when I did (I haven't had a REAL physical in about 10 years) and that I picked a nurse practitioner that does breast exams. I'm really lucky that I put off getting pregnant until after I went to get a physical "just in case" there was something wrong. It's all pretty surreal still but I am super ready for whatever is to come.

So why am I making this so public so early in the game? For a couple reasons. First I need to rally the troops. I need every single spare thought/prayer you can give. Next because I want to keep people updated on how I'm doing and because I'm nosy and I always want to know every detail! Lastly, writing is therapeutic for me. It helps to write down what I'm feeling because I'm so terrible at saying it out loud. I sometimes try to keep emotions/feelings in and in this situation particularly they need to be OUT.

What can you do to help? Besides thoughts/prayers, put a damn smile on your face. I can't take the sad/I feel terrible for you face. I know I have cancer and I know what it means, your sad face doesn't help me AT ALL. Also please try to refrain from saying "its going to be okay". Can't stand it. It ranks up there for me when people say "she deserves that" (not meaning cancer- think trips, expensive presents, winning the lottery, ect). I want to hear "we're going to kick this cancers ass!" or any other combination of words along those lines. I know it's going to be okay. Lastly, you can continue to be my friend. I know this is hard to talk about or have someone tell you all the dirty/gory details of cancer. Some days I'm sure I'll want to tell the whole world what this or that felt like or how I really feel and some days I won't want to talk about cancer AT ALL. I just need continued support no matter what mood I'm in. I want to be able to continue to live my life and be happy in spite of having cancer. Having cancer is just like having a pimple; its annoying and people will talk about it, but eventually it will go away and life will move on.
I really truly appreciate everyone’s thoughts and prayers and understanding that calls, emails and texts
may go unanswered some days. I will know a lot more on Thursday after my next meeting with the surgeon. Until then I'm creating my "Cancer Binder" (if you know me, you know how much I LOVE my binders!). This cancer is SO going down!