1 year

Today is the day. My cancerversary. I can't believe its been an entire year since I was told those awful words. Invasive Ductal Carcinoma. I was sitting in my office when my doctor called around 2:30 or so. I wrote notes on a scrap piece of paper. I cried for just a minute and then I went home. I don't even remember crying anymore that day although I'm sure I did.

As you can see we didn't think I was a stage III at first hence no mention of chemo or radiation. 

Its been the hardest year of my life. There isn't a way to sugar coat it. Having cancer is HARD. In every sense of the word. Its hard on you emotionally and physically, its hard on your relationships, its hard on your bank account, its hard on your job.

But it has also been the most telling year too. I am a million times stronger than I even thought I could be. I have battled this killer from stage III to non-existence. I have lost body parts and hair. But I feel more confidant and feel like I know myself a lot better. I feel closer to my friends and family.

I was just looking through some pictures from my phone photo album called "cancer" and I saw a picture of one of my chemo drugs and just the sight of it makes me so nauseous. I still can't believe I made it through so much in such a short time frame.

I still cannot believe this is me and my life. I miss the old me so bad sometimes. I don't want to know all this medical stuff. Looking at those pictures made me have my first little break down today and I had to keep telling myself that its gone but the fear of recurrance won't ever go away. In some ways that's a good thing because it forces me to be a better version of myself. I don't have any more excuses now. We are on week 2 day 2 of T25 and still doing great. I am writing down all my food and trying to stay under my daily calorie goal and I'm TRYING to stop drinking sodas. I can't promise the last one though! 

Thanks again to everyone for supporting me for the last 365 days. It has been a journey. I know it's not over and that it has just begun but I really, really,really could not have done it without each of you.