Happy September!

I can't tell you all how incredibly thankful I am to see exactly how much money we raised. I kept postponing taking the online website down because everytime I would put something on facebook about it I would get more donations. So I thought, if people want to keep donating I'll let them!! All in all we raised over $3,000 to split between the 2 charities! I'm excited to send the money when I get the check from GoFundMe.

We were cleaning tonight because we are going to the beach and have to have a clean house for our house watcher (Thanks Laurie!) and I found a couple things from the past year and I got so sick to my stomach. I found the information from when I had my port placed and just to see the picture of the port and how they used it. I can't believe I had that thing in my for so long! I found my surgery discharge paperwork. Its been almost an entire year since my surgery. I kept the surgery paperwork but definitely tossed the port stuff. Its so gross!

I CANNOT wait to go to the beach this year. I need it this year even more than I did last year. This year I don't have to go to the beach knowing I'll soon have to face my WORST fears in life. This year I get to go knowing that all that is behind me and I can truly enjoy myself and relax. I get to enjoy those 7 days knowing that I kicked cancers ass and I have a lot to show for it.

I still sometimes talk/think about what happened thinking that it happened to someone else. How did all that happen to me? Everyday I still wish it never happened. I could have lived my whole life not knowing what any of that felt like. I can't always put a happy spin on it either. But I am kind of enjoying my role as the "expert". I really enjoy people asking me about cancer and sharing my experience. I really feel I have a lot to share with people who are going through this awful experience.

Today is September 1st and I decided that today is the day I start tamoxifen. I'm a little nervous because I don't know exactly how this drug will effect me and this will be the next 5-10 years of my life. I was going to start July 1st and August 1st but obviously that didn't happen. I just felt like my body needed a break from all these treatments. But now I'm ready to start getting this last piece over with. Plus if its going to keep stupid cancer from trying to grow again then I'm all for it!

And also this is the hair I'm dealing with. I HATE it so much. Look at the stupid little pieces on the sides in the picture on the right. What is even happening there?? It's so much harder to manage than super long hair. I'm not sure if I should cut it or just let it continue growing. I don't know whats happening. I'm excited that its growing. I'm not really excited that its still so dark. But I guess hair is hair and if I continue to hate it I can always dye it. Although I love that its like baby hair and hasn't been touched by a product or heat yet.