Egg retrieval #2

We have been talking about doing another egg retrieval for years now. It is finally going to happen! It has been a really long process- which was complicated by the fact that I take tamoxifen. I didn't realize I would have to be off of it for so long before the retrieval. They suggested 1-2 months and it has been almost 2 months. We are doing this egg retrieval now so I can start another medication called lupron in the fall. I took lupron during chemo to try to suppress my ovaries. My oncologist wants me to take it now to put me into menopause. I will probably end up having a total hysterectomy in the future.

This whole egg retrieval/surrogacy process has felt like 1 step forward and 2 steps back. Everything is so complicated. I really wish we could just try to get pregnant and see what happens. Adding in another person not only makes everything more complicated but more expensive and more testing and blood work. And a lot more time.

Last week my medications arrived so now I really feel like its going to happen! I'm SO nervous but excited. This time we are going to make embryos and we are having them tested for genetic abnormalities so we have the best chance of having a baby. But with that comes the possibility that none of our eggs (if we get any) will be viable embryos. That is so scary. First we have to get good eggs (we have one frozen all ready), then they have to become embryos- well zygotes I guess, then they have to make it to 5 days, and then they have to all be genetically healthy. That is a lot of if's. I've seen women who get like 40 eggs, 20 are good, 10 make embryos and 1 is genetically viable. But I've seen the flip side of that too. We just have to hope that whatever they get is good quality. It is all out of our hands at this point. 

Hopefully starting next week I will start injections. I mean hopefully so we can get started- not because I love having my husband inject me with medication once or twice a day. And I'm nervous because Mackenzie isn't a baby anymore. Last time we did this she was 2 so she had NO clue what was going on. I'm worried that she will see the medicine or ask what it is for. I guess I should come up with something to tell her before it starts.

We are going to tell Mackenzie everything if we ever get a surrogate pregnant. And probably if we never do. I don't want her to be confused about why we still were talking about it if we knew it was never going to happen. This must be so confusing for her. I wish that I was busy yelling at my 7 year old and 4 year old to stop fighting all the time but instead of getting pregnant in 2012 I got cancer so here we are.

I will blog again when we find out the results of our embryos. But until then I wanted to point out that on the top right is my new Instagram account for this blog. I will be posting mostly breast cancer/surrogacy/egg retrieval stuff on there if you'd like to follow!