Last week

This last week I've been at home and it's been great to be here. I miss having my mom around to take care of me and to talk to but it's good for my healing to get around by myself. George leaves everything I might need on the counter so I don't have to reach up (I'm not allowed to/I physically can't yet raise my arms above shoulder level) and I do my stretches and breathing.

I got two drains out on Monday which was great. I can't wait to get these other 2 out. They're annoying. I think I'll get another one out this week and then hopefully the last one out the week after. I also went to the breast surgeon and got the pathology report back. It's not totally good news. During the surgery they took out a couple lymph nodes and do a 20 minute test on them and if any are positive they take out the whole bunch of them. During the 20 minute test, 2 tested positive and then on the in the whole bunch 5/18 were positive for cancer.

Obviously that's not the news I wanted to wake up and hear and then especially having 5 positive for cancer. It's scary as hell that this has been living in my body for YEARS and I had no idea. The good thing is that it's out. The bad part is that it means that I also will have to have radiation.

I think I've probably cried 10/12 days since September 18 (including September 18th...nothing like a good cry as you're saying bye to your family). I googled "crying after mastectomy" because I thought maybe because I no longer had breasts I was missing some sort of hormone that was making me sad. The only thing I could find was that people usually cry because they don't have breasts. That's not my problem. I think reality is finally starting to hit. I have cancer. It sucks and its really, really scary. Now that the real work is being done its hard to pretend that I don't have it. The good thing is I'm able to get myself together pretty quickly. I'm not walking around the house crying all day. Usually its a few tears here or there for many different reasons and then I'm over it. I say the words "I have cancer" all the time but sometimes the weight of those words catches me off guard. I think I wouldn't be normal if they didn't.

This week I have to have a bone scan and ct scan on Tuesday and then I meet my new oncologist on Wednesday and will hopefully get more information about when chemo starts and what kind of drugs I'll take, ect. They have class to explain everything about chemo at the oncologist so I'll learn a lot more then. Can you believe they have a class for chemo? Right now I think I'll start chemo the last week of October (that will be 6 weeks from surgery). Chemo is 4-6 months, I go once every 2 or 3 weeks, and then I get a month off then I start radiation which is everyday Monday-Friday for 4-6 weeks. Then I'll be DONE! I'm hoping by my 30th birthday (next November) it will be all over. Maybe I should hope I'll be done by our vacation next September.

Thanks again for every one's support. Seriously every card or gift I get I tear up because the support I feel is overwhelming to me (maybe I'll blame that for all the tears the last 2 weeks!). I hate, hate, hate that I'm going through this. But it's so much easier when you feel like people really care.