6 weeks

Today is 6 weeks since my surgery. Right now six weeks ago I was just being moved to my room. Its so weird to think about. Sometimes it feels like last week and sometimes it feels like a year ago. I forget that I've had surgery until I move a certain way and it hurts or when I wake up in the morning and I'm a little sore. I think a little of the soreness is from my port still. I think the worst part of surgery for me was the couple of days before it. I was starting to panic. I was really afraid of not waking up from anesthesia. But once I remembered what ever happened wasn't up to me and there was nothing I could do I felt a whole lot better. A nurse even asked me right before surgery if I took some Xanax because I was so calm. Did other mastectomy patients run up and down the hall screaming before surgery?

I started picking up and holding Mackenzie again. Just for short periods of time. She's pretty heavy! I can feel it mostly where my port is but sometimes I can feel in my chest. Its not painful just sore. My chest muscles (and arm muscles) haven't lifted anything over 5ish pounds in 6 weeks. They probably hate me. Going from 5 pounds to 30+ pounds overnight probably isn't the smartest idea!

The hardest part of recovery for me has been slowing down. By choice I didn't drive for almost 4 weeks. I waited until all my drains were out (3 weeks) before I asked the doctor when I could drive and he said when I was off narcotics (I all ready was) and when I felt like I could make an emergency turn. It was just so uncomfortable to be in the car the first couple of weeks but the seat belt was terrible. I drove at first with the shoulder part behind my back but it made me nervous to do that. When I finally felt good enough to drive I got my port put in and that's right where my shoulder belt sits which felt terrible. This last week I've been driving a lot and its felt fine, even with the shoulder belt on.

I also felt so tired all the time. I still feel pretty tired at the end of the day. That's probably why I'm finally sleeping through the night again. Oh that's the other thing. Lack of sleep. It was almost impossible to find a comfortable position and stay comfortable. I could only sleep on my back (I just started sleeping on my sides again). I think at my parents house right after surgery I had 6-7 pillows and was almost sitting up to sleep, mostly because its almost impossible to sit up after laying down for that long. My mom would have to (gently) push me up from how I was "laying" and then it took a couple minutes to be able to move. I am now sleeping with just 2 pillows (still up from the 1 before surgery) and I use a pillow under my right arm at night (until it falls off the bed).

I'm happy that I stopped taking pain medication pretty early in recovery. The surgery/recovery isn't painful. I just felt SO sore all the time. The port has been more painful than the surgery, even the expansions. I didn't like how the narcotic pain medication or narcotic muscle relaxer made me feel. I took the muscle relaxer a couple times before bed because I would have muscle spasms really bad. Its a strange feeling. During the mastectomy they stretch the muscle to the front, behind the skin, so I can feel my muscles a lot more.

I thought I'd be starting chemo this Thursday but I'm still in the egg retrieval process so I probably won't start for another 2 weeks. I'm ready to start get it going and over with. Its funny how at first its so sad to think that you have to do chemo and now I can barely contain myself to start it!

Its been a wonderful 4 day weekend (minus the hurricane yesterday...we had flickering but never lost power)! My first 4 days back to work were great. I feel so supported there. I know that people don't always know what to say or what to do but just knowing that people care about me and my recovery feels great.