5 days later

It's been 5 days since my first chemo. I was too afraid to post anything because I'm really superstitious and I didn't want my symptoms to get worse. I always hope for the best and prepare for the worst and I think I did pretty good this round considering.

I took my anti-nausea medicine almost immediately after my last post and took it every night for the first 3 nights as a safety net. My stomach has felt pretty uneasy since Thursday but today after lunch it finally feels better. I diagnosed myself with chemo induced lactose intolerance. I didn't eat any dairy today and felt much better. I'm not sure if its because its 5 days later or I didn't eat dairy. I'll have to ask my doctor (or maybe I'll eat ice cream later to test it!).

My worst symptoms this round were exhaustion, having no taste and the stomach uneasiness. I could have slept 24 hours a day but for some reason I would force myself to stay up for most of the day. It caught up to me yesterday after I stayed up all day on Sunday. My doctor told me to underdo my normal activities and while I did, I should have actually slept a little more. I wasn't eating a lot on Friday-Sunday because I couldn't taste anything and I felt like it was kind of a waste of food. I also found out that my stomach is mixing up its signals and I wouldn't realize I was hungry until I was starving, which would make me more nauseous and then I would eat too much because I was so hungry would would also make my stomach hurt. Maybe that's why my stomach hurt so bad yesterday!

My Neulasta shot wasn't too bad. It stings A LOT going in but after I didn't have too much pain. They nurses tell you to take Claritin the night before and then the 3 nights after. I only had mild leg discomfort, more like restless leg feeling than actually pain. I've heard pretty terrible things about that shot and I have also heard that however you react the first time is how you'll react each time. I hope that's the case for me!

Emotionally I'm doing decent I think. I went through a little pity party on Sunday and laid in my bed in the dark by myself while my husband and child played downstairs. I just am not 100% ready to lose my hair and I just kind of realized that there's no turning back now. The chemo is in. A lot of times I think about how much I want to go back to July when all I had to worry about was when to get pregnant to have the baby in whichever month I wanted. But then I realized that even if I went back to July, I would still have cancer. And even if I never went to the doctor, the cancer would be there. Which would be worse because I wouldn't know about it. No one wants to go through this and especially not in their 20's. But I have to keep remembering that there is life after this. And I have to especially remember that there is a life during this that still has to be lived to its fullest every day.

So after I ended my pity party, I went downstairs and I danced to princess movies with my beautiful daughter. Because that's how I want my life to be lived. And I want to show her that although sometimes laugh is REALLY REALLY hard and it seems unfair, you have to remember that each moment can be full of happiness.