I don't have cancer

Its kind of weird to think that I don't have cancer anymore. Not that I miss it. I don't. But I'm not totally used to being in remission yet. The only thing that kind of bothers me is my hair still. It looks like I just wanted to have short hair. I don't. I have never wanted short hair. My favorite thing about me was my long red hair. And now its short and brown. But I want people to know why its short. I went through a lot and I earned the little hair I have on my head. But I also don't want to have to wear a survivor badge everyday either. 

I'm getting anxious about this fundraiser!! I'm really excited too. Just thinking that I can give enough money so someone could have 1 Fighting Fancy bag and 1 IIIB's basket would be amazing. I can't wait to see how much money we raise for this! Again if you'd like to donate you can donate {HERE}. All the money raised will go to Fighting Fancy or The III B's Foundation. Mostly I'd love for you to try to make it. It should be a lot of fun and there will be some awesome raffle prizes for you to win! Not to mention good friends and food!!! 

After this fundraiser it will be about 4 weeks until we get to go to my HAPPY PLACE. This vacation cannot come soon enough!! I don't think I have ever deserved a vacation more in my entire life! Plus this year I won't have to come home and immediately go into a 7 hour surgery followed by all the rest of it. I can just go to the beach, relax and enjoy and come home to regular life. It will be amazing!! 

I still can't believe everything I was going through this time last year. I am so glad that I have blogged this experience because its easy to pretend that it wasn't as hard as it really was. If you asked me how I felt the days right after my diagnosis I would tell you that I probably felt fine. I'm not sure if that's true. I know I went right back to work but I don't really remember how I felt emotionally. Probably a little numb. And of course upset. Getting cancer is life changing news. But its been fun the last 11 days or so to live a "normal life". Work, friends, swim classes, the park, ect. 

George and I will be starting out third week of Shaun T's Focus T25. It's been going fair. Its really hard but its nice that there is a calendar to tell us what to do on each day and there is a facebook group so we are all accountable! That's been the best part. Having a group of friends all pushing each other to do this everyday, especially the days you really don't want to (like Friday....2 videos...abs AND legs...no fair!). I am excited to start seeing some awesome results and to get stronger and stronger!!

1 year

Today is the day. My cancerversary. I can't believe its been an entire year since I was told those awful words. Invasive Ductal Carcinoma. I was sitting in my office when my doctor called around 2:30 or so. I wrote notes on a scrap piece of paper. I cried for just a minute and then I went home. I don't even remember crying anymore that day although I'm sure I did.

As you can see we didn't think I was a stage III at first hence no mention of chemo or radiation. 

Its been the hardest year of my life. There isn't a way to sugar coat it. Having cancer is HARD. In every sense of the word. Its hard on you emotionally and physically, its hard on your relationships, its hard on your bank account, its hard on your job.

But it has also been the most telling year too. I am a million times stronger than I even thought I could be. I have battled this killer from stage III to non-existence. I have lost body parts and hair. But I feel more confidant and feel like I know myself a lot better. I feel closer to my friends and family.

I was just looking through some pictures from my phone photo album called "cancer" and I saw a picture of one of my chemo drugs and just the sight of it makes me so nauseous. I still can't believe I made it through so much in such a short time frame.

I still cannot believe this is me and my life. I miss the old me so bad sometimes. I don't want to know all this medical stuff. Looking at those pictures made me have my first little break down today and I had to keep telling myself that its gone but the fear of recurrance won't ever go away. In some ways that's a good thing because it forces me to be a better version of myself. I don't have any more excuses now. We are on week 2 day 2 of T25 and still doing great. I am writing down all my food and trying to stay under my daily calorie goal and I'm TRYING to stop drinking sodas. I can't promise the last one though! 

Thanks again to everyone for supporting me for the last 365 days. It has been a journey. I know it's not over and that it has just begun but I really, really,really could not have done it without each of you. 

More fundraiser info!

We just opened an account at GoFundMe for people who would like to donate but cannot attend the actual event.

Click HERE for the link to the website. The even should be a lot of fun if you can attend!!

The "R" Word

I have been very eagerly awaiting my appointment today with my radiation oncologist. I was hoping to get the news that I have been so desperately waiting for.

He did an exam on me and asked me some questions. He seemed pretty happy with how I was doing. He shouldn't be surprised. He called me an Olympic athlete the first time I met him. 

When the appointment seemed to be over and he asked if I had any questions I said "so can we start using the "R" word.  And he said...

YES, YOU ARE IN REMISSION!!! 

It has been 359 days since I was diagnosed with cancer. 6 days from it being a year and I am SO happy right now that this part of the journey is over! I know that I am forever going to live with cancer and that it will always be a part of my life but in between the doctors visits (which will be often), I can try to live a "normal" life.

In fact, I don't have another doctors appointment until September. And my radiation oncologist said I could come back in April/ May of next year!

My husband and I are going to spend the rest of the day celebrating and getting some things ready for the fundraiser. I'm more excited about the fundraiser than ever because I can officially say that I am in remission and we can really celebrate.

I am still so humbled to have been so supported by so many during the last 359 days. Its meant everything to me to get countless cards, presents and dinners for me and my family. We cannot thank you all enough!!

Fundraising Event

Here is the official flyer for my fundraising event! 

I'm so excited and so nervous! I just want to raise a ton of money and for everyone to have a good time!! There will be a TON of delicious food and prizes to win! Plus a bake sale...who doesn't love baked goods!! I hope everyone who is reading this can attend. If we can raise enough money to give a couple people a III B's basket and a couple of people a Fighting Fancy bag then it will be a huge success! 

On another note I made it through my lumpaversary just fine. I thought about it a couple times on the 11th but it wasn't a bad day. Plus it's 7-11 and I got my free slurpee from 7-11 so I was happy! I'm still anxious about my appointment on Wednesday and then next Tuesday on the 23rd. I'm not sure how that day will go. 

George and I (and a group of friends) are starting a fitness challenge tomorrow. It's called T25. Watch the youtube video about it. It is super intense but I'm hoping it will jump start to getting me in shape. We are excited about that too. The transformations I have seen have been incredible. Plus if you complete all 10 weeks of the challenge you get a free t-shirt! We should finish the challenge the week after we get back from the beach so I can't wait to see how we look! The company is called Beach Body so hopefully that is what we will end up with!! 

July

I can't believe it's all ready July. I've been dreading this month. My Cancerversary. Where I can think back to everyday during this month last year and remember how innocent I was. I've started to think of everyday of my life until July 23rd as BC (before cancer). I'm anxiously anticipating my appointment on the 17th where I'll hopefully hear the "r" word or NED (remission or no evidence of disease). Although I've been NED since my scans in Sept/Oct I think. But it's not official until treatment is over. 

Last year on this date I was DREADING tomorrow because I didn't want to have blood work done. I still can't believe what happened on July 11th and the days after. I still cannot believe this has happened to me. I knew from the second the lump was found that I had cancer. I could barely keep the tears back in the doctors office. She tried to convince me that it would be nothing and I'm sure she thought it would be nothing. But I had a feeling that this was it. 

I haven't started taking tamoxifen yet. I was going to start July 1 but I'm giving my body a chance to rest for a little longer. I have been EXHAUSTED since radiation has been over and I think it's because I've been running off adrenaline for 11 months. I forget how much my body has been though sometimes. Body parts were removed, nerves and other insides were rerouted and all the poison that was put in my body for months is finally working its way out. 

Later this week I'll be posting the details of my fundraiser. I'm so excited (/terrified/anxious) for it! I hope a lot of money is raised and I can help others that have helped me! Save the date of August 3rd!